A Basic Intro to Internal Family Systems
Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) has changed the way I practice therapy in so many ways. It has also changed how I interact with others outside of therapy and the way I conceptualize my own experiences and familial relationships. Learning about and implementing IFS in my therapy practice (in addition to Narrative Therapy and EMDR) has been a game changer. Read on for an intro to Internal Family Systems.
So, what is Internal Family Systems exactly??
IFS is an evidence based therapeutic model that has existed for almost 40 years. Lately, the modality has really taken off in therapeutic circles and trainings are constantly sold out. Richard Schwartz, PhD developed IFS over many years and much of what he developed was learned through his patients in real-time through trial and error. One of the most amazing things about Dick Schwartz is that he is incredibly generous and humble and constantly learning even though he has been practicing for decades. There is a ridiculous number of videos on YouTube you can watch where he explains IFS and demonstrates the model.
Okay but, what is it exactly again?
IFS suggests that we are all multiple personalities, that each and every one of us has a system of parts. So, for example, you may have a part that is highly anxious and another part that shows up at work (despite protests from your anxious part) so that you can continue to pay your bills. You may have an inner-critic that constantly doubts you and reminds you that you are not all that great. You may have a part that gets very angry and defensive around certain people or situations. You may have a part that is incredibly witty and funny, the part that shows up at parties. We could go on and on.
What I have learned by working with IFS in practice, is that peoples' parts are incredibly diverse. No two peoples' system of parts are the same. However, I have to say that almost every person I meet has an inner critic. We can thank our culture and our parents for that one!
Okay, so we all have parts - got it. So what?
The thing about parts is, they are all good. Oof that's quite a statement! I don't care what your parts are doing, if they act out in destructive ways or whatever - our parts serve a purpose, and generally they are trying to keep us safe. They are protectors.
Let's use the inner-critic for example. How could that ever be helpful, ever?? It's so counter-intuitive. But let's think deeply about this. What could our inner critic possibly be trying to protect us from? If our inner critic tells us for example, that we are not qualified in some way - maybe to ask for a raise, or to ask someone out, what could that inner critic be protecting us from? In these two cases, obviously, it may be protecting us from the pain of rejection.
So then the question becomes, what is so terrible about rejection? Our lives are full of rejection, we can't just avoid it forever, right? Right. But, our inner critic actually does not believe that we, our Selves can handle it and it will try to convince us to avoid rejection at all costs. It thinks it's helping, but ultimately, it is not helping that much. It may even be holding us back from opportunities for happiness, while it is keeping us "safe." It's playing out its role perfectly!
Hold on, our "Selves?"
Yes, we each have a Self. A (capital S) Self we were born with that cannot be damaged. It's inside all of us - and it is GOOD. It possesses all of our best traits: IFS conceptualizes our best traits with the 8-Cs: Compassion, Creativity, Connection, Curiosity, Confidence, Clarity, Calm, and Courage.
Back up, what is the "system of parts?"
Remember up there where I said we all have a "system of parts?" We each have a system, and the system functions similarly to an external family system, but it's inside of us. Each part has a role, there are hierarchies, there are dominant parts (think dominant stories or narratives) and passive parts. Some of our parts are silent, lost, scared, or hiding. Some of our parts do a great job of keeping our lives stable and keep us in relationships with others. Sometimes our system can be out of balance and unstable, just like a family can be out of balance and dysfunctional, our inner system can also be unstable. But don't worry...
We are not stuck, we own the system, which means we can learn about and make changes in the system.
We are ultimately the "parent" of our own inner system, we can be in charge. We can balance things out and create harmony within ourSelves. It's a beautiful thing.
To illustrate, let's stick with the inner critic example. Let's say that within your system of parts, you have a very active and polarized (extreme, unyielding) inner critic. It runs the show a lot of the time. It's in the proverbial "driver's seat" A LOT. What can we do about that in therapy? Well, first, we want to get to know that part, find out its role in the system - and thank it for helping us. Perhaps we can explore other parts that may have feelings about the inner critic. We also need to find out who the part thinks it is protecting, and how old it thinks you are (you may be very surprised). Is it protecting a younger part of you? Maybe a part that did not feel safe or seen in your family? Or maybe this younger part was bullied or rejected in school.
This is where it gets fun, because we get to do some inner-child work now.
Once we have accessed the part that the inner critic has been protecting all these years, we get to help that child part express what they have kept hidden, we get to help them name what they have experienced. Our older, more mature, more loving Self can be there with the child. We get to reassure it, listen to it, comfort it, and even take it out of that old environment, if it wants to leave. We can create a new story.
Much of the work is done in the imagination through exploration, conversation, and story telling.
We get to be creative here. Whatever we can do creatively to give that inner child a voice, we will do - art, journaling, role-plays. We may even do EMDR with the younger part, as long as it feels safe and we have permission from your Self and the other protector parts.
Back to the system - so how does this work with the inner critic help the system? By changing how the inner critic behaves in the system (by healing the part it was protecting), we can bring the system into greater balance, integration, and peace. We can un-blend or separate from the part; give the Self more opportunity to be in the driver's seat. When the inner critic calms down a bit and begins to trust the Self to take the wheel, it will likely take on a new role in the system that is more helpful.
Do you have any parts that are getting in your way? Parts that are holding you back from progressing forward with your life? Do you have parts that may be overly reactive or overly sensitive? If so, IFS therapy may be just the thing!
Thank you for reading, and remember, this is just the basics. There is so much more you and I can explore, so many ways we can help you get into your Self through our work together. Cheers, and enjoy the rest of your day!
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